The Hostess With the Mostess...

I have a confession.  Don't be shocked.  Here goes - I have never eaten a Twinkie.  Never, ever, in my entire life.  Being a Philadelphia-born citizen, my lunch cake of choice was Tastykake.   And I'm old enough to remember when they cost a nickel!  There were three-packs of chocolate cupcakes iced with chocolate frosting.  There were Chocolate Juniors - an oblong of two-layer yellow spongecake frosted with a milky chocolate frosting; and Coconut Juniors - the same oblong except frosted with a white icing topped with coconut.  Jelly Krimpets - a three-pack of yellow sponge with jelly in the center of each cake.  There were pies: apple, lemon and maybe a couple of others.  But my all-time fave was the Butterscotch Krimpet.  Once again, a three-pack of the yellow sponge frosted with somebody's idea of butterscotch frosting.  I loved 'em.  Later on, the price increased; the sizes of the cakes decreased; and some new flavors were added to the repertoire, namely, Tandytakes.  Yes, that's what I said. Tandytakes.  They were small single-layer circles of yellow sponge, some with peanut butter and milk chocolate frosting and some with a creamy white layer coated with dark chocolate.  After a time, wiser heads prevailed and the name was changed from the baby-talky Tandytake to KandyKake.   And along with a more adult name came a more adult price.  Talk about inflation.  While unable to afford the treats as often as I'd have liked, partly because of the price and partly because of the added avoirdupois, I still remained loyal to Tastykake.  After all, "Nobody bakes a cake as tasty as a Tastykake", or so the old jingle said.

Once, I remember eating a Devil Dog, which was so dry I nearly choked to death.  BUT, I never ate a Twinkie.  The only Hostess cake I ever ate was the Snowball.  Chocolate cake mounded around an unidentifiable crème filling and covered with white coconut frosting.  A long time ago, it was.   And then, Hostess closed up shop and the world seemed to have a period of grief over the loss of the beloved Twinkie.  Eulogies were delivered bemoaning the passing of a lunch-box icon.

And then, and then, some enterprise bought the bakery.  The name was revived and the Twinkie was once again on shelves in stores everywhere.  And still, I never ate a Twinkie.

But in the local dollar parlor, I happened upon a small display of Snowballs.  Two to a package, same as of yore.  Emblazoned with the words "The sweetest comeback in the history of Ever!"  Even though I've been limiting my intake of most sugars and carbs and calorie-laden "stuff", I decided I had to try once again that long-forgotten treat.  And what was a buck?  I ate one and put the other away in the cupboard, only to discover it a week later.  The original wrapper was torn from the first foray into the package but the remaining Snowball wasn't stale.  Not even a little.  So I ate it.  And on careful examination, I discovered that the package was missing something.  What was missing was a "Best by -" date.  I suppose it's safe to assume that there is no date beyond which the Snowball will no longer be edible.

With that being said, I have had a Twinkie in my cupboard for almost 14 years, given to me by a person who felt sad that I had never, ever tasted this delight.  It's somewhere behind the bag of rice and the Karo syrup.  Do you think it's safe to eat?  Or should I just toss it and keep my record intact?