It's December 31st. 2011. One more year. Who would have ever thought? Next week will be three years since my cancer diagnosis. The following week will be three years since my surgery for colon cancer. That was followed by six months of chemotherapy. And iron infusions to bring my hemoglobin level back up to normal. And lots of doctor appointments and blood work and CT scans etc., etc., etc. Thus far, my blood work has been better than good. My hemoglobin is normal. My CEA, which is a tumor marker, has been good. My CT scans have shown "no mass, no active disease."
For each of those three years, I have hosted Christmas, just as I did pre-cancer. This year, for the first time, I made peace with the fact that there is no perfect Christmas. Something will go awry. And who cares? We all have our health, (well, most of it), we all have jobs, and homes, and plenty to eat and we are together.
Yesterday, I mailed all my "thank you" notes and paid all my bills. I had strength enough to do three loads of laundry. And my mind is okay because I can still figure out the daily cryptogram without a hint.
I'm ending 2011 with a clean slate. You know what would be nice? To say the same thing next December 31st. Until then - Happy New Year.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
When Do We Stop?
About four or five years ago, my grown children got together with their children (my grandchildren) and had a portrait taken and framed for me for a Christmas gift. Needless to say, I was enormously pleased. There were, at the time, ten grandchildren and while I had many photos of them individually, or in their particular family groups, I did not have even a candid shot of all of them. Together. At the same time. So this picture was especially meaningful.
During this past year, our family welcomed yet another grandchild. (We thought we were all finished!) She is a cutie. I planned on photo shopping her little face into the grandchildren photo. In addition to the newest grandchild, my eldest grandchild welcomed a daughter of her own, making me a great grandmother. And me so young!
Well, family once again decided that a new grand photo was in order. The logistics were tricky, since eldest granddaughter, her husband and their baby live in Arizona. Flying in for the Christmas holiday called for some tight scheduling. Their arrival was late evening on the 21st. That meant earliest photo session could be held on the 22nd. and pushing for a finished photo by the 24th. for presentation on Christmas.
Well, the 25th. arrived, as it always does. My gift was presented. I unwrapped the package and stared at the photo for a long time. I counted the faces staring back at me. And counted again. Something was amiss. There were only 11 people in the photo. They were all my grandchildren. But not all my grandchildren were in the photo.
For some reason, eldest granddaughter opted not to be included in the new photo. For reasons known only to her. As her mother said, "That's our girl."
And I want to know, when does it stop? When does Mom stop making excuses for this woman? This woman who became 30 years old earlier this month. The woman who had long held herself to be the smartest woman in any room in which she found herself. The woman who recently wrote a treatise on what one should have acheived by age 30, including realizing that one is not the center of the Universe. Fans of the blog, who have in the past nominated her for President, Queen and sainthood, were quick to comment on how succintly she had summed up what should be expected by the time one reaches 30. Putting a meal on the table; not blocking the grocery aisle with your cart; wishing folks Happy Holidays and screw'em if they object because you didn't say "Christmas" or "Hanukkah" or whatever particular nomenclature you prefer.
But just as though she knew of Granddaughter's intent as to declining to appear in the Grandchildren photo, another blogger left a comment which added her own take on what a 30-year-old should be able to do. To do something you don't really want to do simply because it would mean a lot to someone you care about and who cares about you so suck it up and just do it!
That comment was particularly appropos in light of the pontificate tone of the blog and the refusal to add to a Christmas gift that would not have impacted her life at all (her daughter, her sister and her brother are all in the picture) since she only comes here once a year. But this whole event has become a non-event and other than the fact that her Mother still defends her bad behavior, I don't particularly give a flying falafel. And this is when it stops.
During this past year, our family welcomed yet another grandchild. (We thought we were all finished!) She is a cutie. I planned on photo shopping her little face into the grandchildren photo. In addition to the newest grandchild, my eldest grandchild welcomed a daughter of her own, making me a great grandmother. And me so young!
Well, family once again decided that a new grand photo was in order. The logistics were tricky, since eldest granddaughter, her husband and their baby live in Arizona. Flying in for the Christmas holiday called for some tight scheduling. Their arrival was late evening on the 21st. That meant earliest photo session could be held on the 22nd. and pushing for a finished photo by the 24th. for presentation on Christmas.
Well, the 25th. arrived, as it always does. My gift was presented. I unwrapped the package and stared at the photo for a long time. I counted the faces staring back at me. And counted again. Something was amiss. There were only 11 people in the photo. They were all my grandchildren. But not all my grandchildren were in the photo.
For some reason, eldest granddaughter opted not to be included in the new photo. For reasons known only to her. As her mother said, "That's our girl."
And I want to know, when does it stop? When does Mom stop making excuses for this woman? This woman who became 30 years old earlier this month. The woman who had long held herself to be the smartest woman in any room in which she found herself. The woman who recently wrote a treatise on what one should have acheived by age 30, including realizing that one is not the center of the Universe. Fans of the blog, who have in the past nominated her for President, Queen and sainthood, were quick to comment on how succintly she had summed up what should be expected by the time one reaches 30. Putting a meal on the table; not blocking the grocery aisle with your cart; wishing folks Happy Holidays and screw'em if they object because you didn't say "Christmas" or "Hanukkah" or whatever particular nomenclature you prefer.
But just as though she knew of Granddaughter's intent as to declining to appear in the Grandchildren photo, another blogger left a comment which added her own take on what a 30-year-old should be able to do. To do something you don't really want to do simply because it would mean a lot to someone you care about and who cares about you so suck it up and just do it!
That comment was particularly appropos in light of the pontificate tone of the blog and the refusal to add to a Christmas gift that would not have impacted her life at all (her daughter, her sister and her brother are all in the picture) since she only comes here once a year. But this whole event has become a non-event and other than the fact that her Mother still defends her bad behavior, I don't particularly give a flying falafel. And this is when it stops.
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